Before You Get Married Checklist
From For Better and For Ever by Robert A. Ruhnke, D. Min.
1. Inquire about the church
The wedding usually takes place in the church where the bride grew up and her parents still live. Our highly mobile society is changing this tradition. Most churches today have become more flexible in welcoming couples who may have little contact with the church. Ideally you choose the church where you or your partner are active members. Some large churches have so many wedding each year that they allow only registered members to reserve the church for a wedding. If you wish to celebrate your marriage in a particular church, you would be wise to inquire well in advance about what they expect of you.
2. Contact your pastor and establish your freedom to marry in the church
The first step is to contact the church where you wish to be married and the pastor who will witness your marriage vows. It is important to first speak with the pastor before anything else to verify that you and your partner meet the criteria for marriage in the church.
3. Meet the pastor and discuss the process of marriage preparation
The next step is to meet with your pastor, face-to-face. This meeting with the pastor gives the three of you a chance to get to know each other. The process of marriage preparation helps you prepare for your wedding and — more importantly — your life after the wedding day. You want to choose a pastor whom you feel comfortable discussing very personal matters with. Most pastors will want you to begin the process of marriage preparation at least 6-12 months before your wedding date. You pastor will discuss your marriage preparation plan and what you will need to do to get started. Ask for a sponsor or mentor couple. Take a premarital inventory.
4. Documents
back to topIt is helpful to gather all the documentation you will need prior to meeting with your pastor. The following is a typical list:
- Proof of baptism. It can be your original certificate or a statement from your parents.
- If either one of you has been married before, you may be asked to provide the civil documents for each marriage and each civil divorce.
- If either one of you has obtained a civil or church annulment for a previous marriage, you may be asked to provide documentation for this.
- You must obtain a civil marriage license. For more information, check your local phone directory, under Government and Helpful Numbers and look for "licenses, marriage"
5. Set the date and time of the wedding and rehearsal
Your choices may be limited because of other weddings already scheduled, especially during peak wedding season! This is another reason to begin the marriage preparation process well in advance of when you plan to marry, so you can get the dates and times that you prefer.
6. Make out the invitation list
Deciding whom to invite is never easy. It is most difficult when your parents have divorced and remarried, or when either of you have children from a former marriage. It is good to let many people tell you what they think. You may not agree with all the suggestions you will receive from family and friends, but you will be wise to pay attention to what they have to say. In the end, it is probably better to err in the direction of inviting folks, rather than choosing to not invite someone who may have a reason to feel slighted.
7. Choose the wedding party
This too can be difficult, but here is a nit. If you carefully select the fewest people, it is easier for those who were not selected to get over any feelings of being "overlooked." You can explain to a college friend that you really wanted her to be a bridesmaid, but you and your partner had agreed that you could ask "only three people." There may be another important role that you can ask her to fill, such as, a Scripture reading during the wedding ceremony (if she can read well in public). There are ways to honor special people without adding to the number of bridesmaids.
As for the ring bearer and flower girls, if the children are too young, it often becomes awkward while the congregation giggles at the children acting like children. A better choice is to select children who are old enough to remember having a special role in "aunt mary's wedding.
8. Be Prepared
CMB serves anyone in the community who has a desire to build and strengthen the bonds of traditional marriage.
- Pre-marital preparation
- Couple-to-couple mentoring & training
- Marriage enrichment workshops & seminars
- Marriage counseling referrals
- Divorce intervention programs
- Step family support groups
- Training and marriage resources for churches
- Encourage churches to sign marriage covenants
